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Parenting: Must I Suffer the Pain of The Ego of Control?

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Sounds heavy, huh? Loud drum roll….

Knowledge is the key to success, or better yet ignorance is not just bliss, therefore if we don’t Have knowledge about this big, scary, Ego of Control, we simply cannot know if we are making allies doing so either. Let’s take a look at where is is supplied by and just how it manifests itself ensuring that we are able to identify its working in our lifestyle.

Dr. Shefali Tsbary teaches within the Conscious Parent that the ego of control can originate from an upbringing where emotional control was valued over emotional expression. Because a plague of emotional expression was believed becoming a weakness, suppressing emotions became an automatic tactic. She also notes that from this we develop rigid standards for all those around us as well as for life itself. We look like a necessity to exert our control over life by passing judgment on situations and expressing disapproval, which supplies us a sense of superiority, just as if that we are in charge of our emotions and above the trials of life.

Dr. Tsbary gives certainly one of the same way as might identify this form of ego:

With this egoistic imprint, the tendency will be to view power and control being a way to security…As parents, they are likely to unleash their necessity of control particularly upon the who definitely are disenfranchised, which can include when parenting their own children or teacher at college. They become adults that are they cannot tolerate any disrespect for their own status, applying their role to foster inhibition in others.

I have to agree that this heard this before. Just how many times as parents are we able to say, “Don’t disrespect me!” and feel threatened when our superior role is questioned. Just how many times can we stifle our own emotions, plus our children’s emotions? How many times per year will we silently, or not so silently, show our disapproval of what our children are going to do, passing judgment located on the smallest infractions? Does that ring true?

For now, start to see if you can perceive this ego of control working in your interactions with other people. Stop and spot if you find yourself feeling a reaction approaching that is actually laced with judgment, criticism, guilt-tripping, or reprimand. Pause and think, is the my require for control? Is that this a trigger that I commonly fall prey to? Should I get angry in the event i feel disrespected? Must I feel the want to display my superior knowledge to others? Do I be a problem tolerating outbursts of emotion in myself as well as others? Stop and find out. When we can know it has been an internal trigger, due to our attachment into the ego of control, but we may also have the ability to perform something about it.

Step one is: See if it’s possible to identify it. Not easy job.

For today, just think about it, and discover yourself, is the me? When it is, that’s okay. Each time you to note that ego of control creeping in using your parenting and developing a divide between you and your child, distance yourself from it. In no time you’ll be reaching out to your little one this way you will never dreamed of!

how-you-can-get-kids-to-stop-fighting

Making Positive Parenting: How You Can Get Kids to Stop Fighting

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Positive parenting is a thing that concerns nearly all fathers and mothers. As conscious parents, it is important to have our infants grow up healthy, happy, smart and unafraid of living. It is important to support our kids to become creative and have meaningful work and relationships. But with our busy lives and our own challenges and ‘stuff’, how do we do this? How is it possible for us to give our kids one of the best start possible? After nearly seven years for being dad, listed here are the best parenting tips I’ll use learned:

It can be beneficial to illuminate the constructive, and to obtain the goodness in every situation you encounter on your child. Bring some play and humor in whenever feasible. Once, just for example, we have been cooking dinner and my mother was inside the house too and he or she was very anxious about the food and, well, you too what. She begun to complain… however before she could get swallowed completely by her worried story, I had created this impulse to begin singing the blues!

“I received the burnt toast blues!” I belted out. I kept going: “I became the dirty dishes blues!”

Suddenly a great deal of us started singing the blues. The new comer was hilarious! Everyone lightened up.
The actual point here may be that every situation you face with the child is okay, even at its most problematic moment. There’s always a method to lighten up the process. Music and laughter and movement and play are powerful tools to make things right. Every situation contains a positive side along with. Therefore, conscious parenting starts off with wishing to heal and locate the positive in different situation. Not often easy, of course, but it will be done.

Let’s look at a simple and customary parenting challenge for one example. Suppose your two child is on a road trip. One child wants to pull again and proceed to one restaurant; one would like to eat somewhere different. They’re hungry and tired, and in short order bickering starts.

After that it turns into fighting. What can you do? How would you choose what to do without making one kid feel hurt?

Positive parenting starts with acceptance and neutrality. You will have to understand both points of view. Neither child is right or wrong. They’re to just look at things differently. so a large area of the answer is to first see the bickering as an opportunity for you to actually practice “acceptance in the midst of chaos.”

Every fight if squabble between young children like zen teachers for you to figure out how to stand in a true and high middle ground. So don’t tell yourself: “Oh no, they’re with it again!” Instead, embrace the fight. Witness it just like a real opportunity for that you definitely prove to be more solid, more capable, plus much more instrumental for your baby. See it just like a welcome invitation to apply all your positive parenting skills.

Squabbling kids is not an issue until you allow it to be into one. As a matter of fact, there is certainly not require to even it is known as a fight. In the event the bickering starts, it is known as a “parenting skills enhancer.” Improve your thoughts about it and also your experience will follow.

Conscious parenting starts with you. It’s in who you happen to be and just how you know about yourself. Be there parent you prefer your parents was. That will help so much. It certainly will make a positive outlook which is just where your actions must flow from.

As a parent, naturally, you are likely to have to take action. In our example above, you are likely to must choose exactly where to stop and eat. You have to be the referee for both kids. This happens to be to be expected. But if you are willing to typically are not fighting with yourself and not just wrapped with their fight by judging it, you’ll be much more effective in helping everyone look for the bet solution.

So, keeping your intent on positive parenting, attempt to hearken to young people. Let all of them have a consider speak. Ask them questions. “What are you seeking?” “The reason why you need that?” Give all of them the chance to possibly be heard. Let each kid think that they’re being seen and acknowledged and listened to. Attempt and receive the other kids to mind to.

You’ll be a far better guide if you are calm in yourself. And of course the means to carry out that is to not take sides, to feel relaxed and then to stay centered. Don’t take any of it seriously.

Successful Parenting

The Way Forward for the World Is in Your Hands

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Becoming parent is certainly not something taking lightly. There are numerous explanations why educated and positive parenting is extremely important. The obvious reasons are unquestionably all of us want our infants to start to be well-adjusted, happy, successful and self confident adults. Not really obvious is the point that how you’re going to lift up your child or children possesses a ripple effect across the entire nation. We seldom consider that the way forward for America rests mostly toward the role parents play in their children’s lives. This is actually a major contribution for either the constructive or negative evolution of your world.

Children raised by conscious parents have better coping skills, are generally more likely to take personal responsibility for his or her decisions, are less likely to blame others and the “system” for his or her problems and also have an overall win-win attitude in daily life. This is one prime example of how our behaviors are a effect of the idea systems bestowed upon us and just how we affect the other person going on a universal level.

Generally speaking, we muddle along. Our young ones may turn out brilliantly or otherwise. Hopefully, we teach our children values, maybe add in some stuff on how, “You can be what you want to be.” Although, this is often usually accompanied by the caveat, “In case you work really, very hard!” (Wow… what the bargain!) Then some place time, usually around middle age comes enough time after we commence to consider our own mortality. We could definitely also began to sense a vague uneasiness. We do a life review which often leads us into the burning questions on who we certainly are, what motivates us and most importantly these things we were born to carry out.

Why didn’t anyone inform us this could happen?? Why can we unravel numerous beliefs and behaviors that do not serve us? How is it possible for us to discover what our true passion and mission resides in life? Heck, whether or not we do find the answers, then what? Do we must start all over again?

DISCONNECTING FROM THE EXTERNAL WORLD

In a way it’s true need to start once more. We’ve got to disconnect from the world we see with these eyes and connect to everyone behind our eyes, also referred to as our intuition. If you do in fact believed only your senses mentioned afterwards you would think that the world is flat and not just this huge sphere. One would consider that we’re stationery and not spinning at dizzying speeds throughout space.

And herein lies our challenge: to defy what it is that we have already been told to do so believe about our world to produce a half century or maybe more and which our eyes so convincingly tells us is actually real and rely instead upon the clear vision and exceptional intelligence of your intuitive self.

I often say, “The way out is the strategies by.” Remember the times while you listened to your gut (your intuition) and you also were cause the perfect person, place or thing? Be aware that your intuition is definitely talking to you and is going to lead you to in which you should be. Your work is to stop the monkey mind chatter… Simply listen. Below are a few suggestions to ensure you are away from your mind and connect to your IGS (Intuitive Guidance System).

#1- Meditate, Meditate, Meditate. I use the phrase this so frequently that I’m such people are tired of hearing it, but truly right here is the first and greatest step in order to get in communication with your inner guidance system and connect towards the Universal intelligence/God.

#2- Challenge your Beliefs: Stop believing everything your imagination indicates! Interview yourself and find why you believe the matters you believe?

#3- Challenge the brain with critical thinking exercises. The net is filled with mind puzzles to fit your needs and your family.
Do not forget that these steps will not only enable you to, it certainly will assistance you in make yourself a model of inspired behavior for your own personal children!

Bribes and Rewards

Threats and Bribes – The Truth Existence for Conscious Parents

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I swore It would be OK to never threaten my children.

I swore I would never bribe my children. Certainly with food.

I swore it will never happen to me.

Then I actually had children. Determine if this sounds familiar: “John, if you have no idea at all eat your salad, you won’t be able to get dessert.” Or maybe a, “If you don’t set your dirty socks in the laundry, I’m going to start throwing them away and you will also have to buy new ones out of your allowance!” Here’s the the one that actually culminated of my mouth one afternoon: “If you do in fact keep making that noise I will take action drastic – therefore can hardly be funny!”

Threats and bribes. I can not believe my parenting skills have really been reduced to this. What went down onto the patient mom who would sit and point out why he needed to do another thing or another and shall painstakingly explain the reasoning behind my decisions?

Regardless of occur to the conscious parent who watched every last word that were introduced of the mouth?

I’ll tell you what actually transpired: life happened. We began to develop and to supercharge and to enter into the grooves and ruts of daily life. I’m so embarrassed. It makes me need to hide my parenting within the closet.

But wait a minute! What’s really going on here? Am I really poor mom, reduced to old parenting patterns that are coming out unconsciously? Here’s what a colleague Heather said: “Shelly, you could possibly either examine can be as threats and bribes, you can look at it as positive reinforcements and natural consequences.” She’s absolutely right.

What would be difference between bribes and rewards, threats and consequences? Not much in addition to the energy behind them. A bribe for all time behavior seems somewhat desperate and mean. An award is loving and positive. A threat is really desperate and mean. A result is natural. Quite a lot of conscious parenting is truly about how exactly you frame things, on your own plus your children.

The fact is, children between the ages of two and twelve are incredibly black-and-white thinkers and these people need the boundaries of consequences and rewards to help them make good decisions. Eventually they’ll grow out from that and you’ll stop to end up making ridiculous threats and offering candy as a reward for good behavior.

We do what works. Rewarding good behavior works – provided that your kid is growing a more healthy inner world and realizes what her values are and why you’re working so hard to assist her make good choices. Because eventually, the one and only rewards for her behavior will certainly be run by the within the woman heart and conscience. Rewarding good behavior only works when it’s building your child’s self-esteem and value system.

Really understanding the difference between punishments and natural consequences is pivotal, too. In accordance with dictionary.com, to “punish” someone is to “prone to pain, loss, confinement, death, etc., being a penalty to some offense, transgression, or fault.” We do not, ever, would need to subject our young ones to pain as a penalty. That may be a very destructive pattern nowadays that can be broken. In one’s family, we rely on natural consequences. If you believe you don’t need to put your socks in the laundry, they won’t get washed. If you really fail your math test, you really need to miss your play-date to check for the upcoming one. These are the characteristic results of the actions, not punishments for obtaining it “wrong”. This is all about building your child’s self-esteem and value system. It’s actually not about inflicting pain.

Rewards and consequences certainly are a natural, loving way to encourage your child grow and understand in order to make good choices. There’s nothing at all wrong with using these powerful tools – given that you happen to be being mindful of why you are having them as well as what affects they are having on your private children. That’s what conscious parenting is all about. You can forget secrets, hiding our bribes and threats within the closet. Only positive, loving parenting.

types-of-breakfast-food-for-toddlers

Organic Toddler Food for Health Conscious Parents

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If you’re the parent of a new toddler, you can also make absolutely sure that your little one is good nutrition by giving him organic toddler food. There are numerous benefits of organic food for toddlers. The child’s health is boosted along with a positive improvement of one’s environment. When the toddler starts eating organic food from such a young age, the advantages to health can easily be greater. You should look for wholesome food that avoids chemicals and preservatives as well as other artificial flavor. Natural foods are always better than those choked with additives.

When you are worried that the toddler do not like organic foods, you need not be, as they simply will possibly not really be willing to find the difference. You needn’t let them know that it must be promptly. Another problem may be that this toddler may very well be working at the figures with you of course while feeding alongside the adults. It would be better in the event the entire family switches over to organic food, in order to child can even benefit from the same.

Choices of Organic Toddler Food

Today, there are many different options. You can buy organic food online, as there exists several companies that sell such food specifically designed for toddlers. Buy food that is recommended by parents and teachers in addition to healthcare professionals. There exists a great line for toddlers that are ideal for breakfast. The breakfast is a very important meal for your chosen child and he ought to be ready to eat many things he loves.

Kinds of Breakfast Food for Toddlers

There may be different types of organic waffles for little ones and also cereals that might be O shaped. The foods have some fun character shapes which will attract your toddler and they’re also very easy as well as just to train. You may also select frozen pizzas or soups that may organic. Many kids and toddlers would love organic crackers, organic fruit bars and, needless to say, cookies. Moreover, it’s possible to specifically buy organic food online that is actually created for toddlers. There are actually prepackaged meals that one could cook in minutes.

Health Conscious Parents

Many parents today are opting to buy foods online for his or her toddlers. There are several new toddler foods entering the market, and they are in great demand from the discerning parent, since they are both healthy and convenient options for their toddlers. They can encourage eating healthily habits in their child and they will even be less frequently sick.

Discipline Child

Short Prescription for Conscious Parenting

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Conscious Parenting in Summary:

Before you can indicate your child isn’t to be upset or cry, understand your own discomfort with strong emotions and tears.

Prior to the time you command your little one not to touch, consider you will help him satisfy his innate curiosity and honor his intense drive to explore his environment.

Before you make an effort to teach your kid to share, expand and deepen your own individual generosity of spirit.

Prior to the time you fault your kid for not listening, guarantee that what you are speaking may well be worth hearing.

Prior to the time you lecture your son or daughter to not selfish, analyze your motives for doing so (most likely chances are you will see some extent of self-interest among them.)

Before you chastise your son or daughter for not telling the truth, cultivate the ability to acknowledge and accept significant things you don’t need or intend to hear.

Prior to the time you accuse your child of cheating or stealing, take a good look at the corners you feel justified in cutting because no one may experience. if you cannot give thought to any offhand, you could possibly get started by your tax return and the speed limit.

Prior to the time you demand respect, check to see if you have ever been giving it — including to your current child, your spouse, your waitress, your employer, and the driver of your car moving too slow among the fast lane.

Before you discipline your kid for selecting on other kids,inventory your own individual desire for power and control.

Before you can admonish your little one to make better choices, fully infuse your own individual decisions with wisdom, maturity, and compassion.

Before you drill inside of child that education is vital, consider you might be modeling the joy and value of learning in your own everyday life.

Prior to the time you send your little one outside for fresh air and exercise, check out you may also remember the past time you stepped outdoors just for the pleasure of it.

Prior to the time you inform your child about ‘the way things perform this world’, understand that you are imposing your limited perspective on an impressionable mind, and determine regardless of if you desire to sentence this child to live seated in the world until he can create his own.

Prior to the time you tell your teen to be skilled, assess the manner in which you currently allocate your own personal effort.

Prior to the time you order your teenager to straighten up and fly right, scrutinize your own individual vices and clarify your own path.

The wise parent leads primarily by example.

hot-stove

Why I Let My Son Touch the Hot Stove?

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In terms of parenting, sometimes our desire to protect our children actually disables them from experiencing the world in a way that they learn what’s most beneficial them. The actual number times do parents say “Don’t do that! That’s dangerous!” or some variation of that? These are possibly the most common phrases among individuals who have toddlers, and for that reason, they become very tired phrases.

It’s quite normal to want our young ones to become safe. However, after we look at things made from a bird’s eye view, sometimes the paradigms most of us were raised with won’t work if we want our children to be simultaneously safe and empowered. Today I shall begin sharing with you some of my thoughts about conscious parenting and what it takes to raise an aware and enabled child.

A significant portion of what I will write relies from Alfie Kohn’s operate in Unconditional Parenting, although as it is my interpretation and use of his work, you’ll likely find significant differences. Furthermore integrate facets of attachment parenting, unschooling, spirituality, the Diamond Approach, along with other modalities… which makes for the interesting and ever changing exploration of parenting.

Today I’ll get started with a principle that’s an extension of unschooling. In case you haven’t heard of unschooling before, then this is what Personally I think it over to become:

The chance to of learning naturally, in ways which get uniquely accustomed a child’s unique preferences and interests, that is facilitated through through the experiences of life.

There isn’t any formal learning time nor a particular school because every moment, if placed in life, is an opportunity regarding the child to truly enjoy learning through personal and experiential discovery.

Personally I need to create an environment through which I haven’t got to imply “No” equally as much lots of parents do. It is indeed my desire that my son, Quantum, has as much opportunities to learn through his own experience as possible, to make sure that he can personally discover what is right for him.

This is due to the fact that whenever I tell Quantum “No,” I am personally imposing MY views onto him. I’m telling him the thing i believe is right for my son (or I’m just aiming to control him from annoying me somehow), but not giving him an opportunity to get to know for oneself what exactly is right, or why I accidentally might want him to refrain from an exact behavior. Ultimately, this creates a scenario where he will in most cases obey me inside my presence, yet once i turn my back, he’ll stick his role in the proverbial cookie jar… or on the recent stove

Right now he’s just two plus a half, so several of that’s inevitable just by the psychological nature of toddlers. That’s perfectly normal as he’s exploring his independence and pushing boundaries. However, are you aware of what happens when those boundaries become dangerous?

Lets say he likes to stick his hand throughout the hot stove?

Is it better to let him burn himself? After all, that sure will teach him do not touch hot things anymore! He would learn through his own experience, and still it will probably scar him, it won’t kill him. It’s easy to interpret what I’m saying in each of the of those lights; however, neither one truly expresses nor honors my ultimate goal that is to simultaneously let him learn what is right for him, while also keeping him safe.

Rather than talk theory, I will use this as a concrete example. Quantum hasn’t burned himself toward the stove, AND, I don’t have to inform him ‘No’ or ‘Don’t touch the stove.’ Here’s why…

When he appeared to be suitable/2 years old, maslow became tall a sufficient amount to reach during the fringe of the stove and give his manual the burner. The initial few times, we pulled his hand with regards to protect him. However, I really didn’t want to own to say “No” or scold him for the upcoming year or two although tried to condition him to never pursue that behavior. When possible, I attempt to avoid directly conditioning him by having own beliefs.

Instead, I approached things two-fold. First, I started turning on the heater intentionally to a degree that it would be uncomfortably hot, while also, not burn him. Then, when he would reach for the burner or heating pot, It would be OK to simple tell him, “It’s hot” and “It without a doubt will hurt” that’s it.

The initial few times, he touched it, pulled his hand away and pushed a face and sound that showed he really didn’t find it irresistible. He never cried, nevertheless, he taught by personal experience a couple of things – he doesn’t like touching hot things, and when I use the phrase “It’s hot” or “It will hurt” it’s usually a perfect idea to trust my wisdom.

Now he still likes to stick his hand upon the burner and play by it. He’ll get off your duff on a stepping stool, grab burners, and do all sorts of different things along with them. However, before he can they always places his hand near or in the burner to observe if it’s hot – and only with cool, can they actually play with it.

I never need to say “No” or possibly worse “I said so.” Instead, I’ve created a natural environment where he can explore a usually dangerous situation inside a very safe way… in a way that enables him to make decisions for oneself, also in a plan that could be transferred to other experiences.

Now when I tell him something else is “hot” or it will “hurt” he usually steps away and trusts my guidance.